Debate Watching
By: Tim Shriver
June 27, 2024
Photo credit/copyright: Associated Press
Millions of us will tune in on Thursday to watch the first of the two debates between Joe Biden and Donald Trump. And millions of us will rant at our screens and mock and condemn whichever candidate we oppose. And then we’ll be entertained by commentators and experts from our political party, many of whom will do the same. All this is part of the spectator sport that has become politics. The candidates compete and we heap contempt on them.
But what if that way of participating in the political process misses a huge issue? What if the biggest issue isn’t Trump or Biden but is instead, the toxic virus of contempt we pour on people who disagree with us?
When we first launched the Dignity Index—an 8-point scale that scores the dignity or contempt we use toward others when we disagree—we thought people would use it to score politicians and news reporters, in short, to score those people with whom they disagree.
But as we’ve shared the Dignity Index with business leaders, political leaders, educators, young people and more, we’ve noticed something different. When people see the words that characterize contempt—I’m better than those people, or they ruin everything, they realize that they often use contempt themselves. And all of a sudden, instead of using the Index to judge others, people want to change themselves!
We call this, “The Mirror Effect,” and it’s a little bit shocking. “I used to think it was okay to hate hateful people,” one woman said. “And then I scored myself with the Dignity Index, and I gave myself a TWO (They’re evil. It’s us or them.). I realized that in trying to oppose hate, I had become hateful, and that’s not who I want to be.” That woman, like thousands of others, began to try to treat others with more dignity without compromising her principles. It was life changing.
So here’s our idea: Before you tune in to the Presidential debate, print out a copy of the Dignity Index. And when you sit down to watch, bring the Dignity Index and one other tool: a mirror! I mean it. And if you don’t have a mirror handy, use your phone. And every time you comment on whichever candidate you oppose, hold up the mirror as you speak. If you want to go one step further, record yourself—not Trump or Biden or the pundits. Watch you!
You don’t have to tell anyone else your scores, but try to be honest. Are you using language that matches a THREE—I’m a good person and he’s a bad person? Or a TWO—he’s evil and is going to ruin our country if we let him? Or are you on the dignity side of the Index (FIVE to EIGHT)? When you disagree with the candidate, are you still looking for some common values and interests you might see in him—a SIX? Or do you hear a view you oppose and think – I want to hear more; I’m curious about how he came to think that. Or even, I disagree with that, but I might be wrong. —a SEVEN?
When we treat someone with dignity, we’re not giving them a pass. We still challenge the other side, but we do it by focusing on facts, actions, decisions, outcomes. It’s not only possible to make a strong case with dignity; it’s more effective, because dignity keeps attention on the issue you want to change, while contempt distracts us from the facts and makes enemies for your cause.
If you score yourself, write us and tell us how you did—not what you thought of Biden or Trump but what you learned about yourself! Let’s face it: We judge others all the time and judging often leads to labeling and blaming and shaming and at its worst, dehumanizing. Without realizing it, we start to feel superior and we become what we loathe: contemptuous people. That’s what our politics has become: contempt sport. It’s not just our politicians or social media—it’s us!
The real action in our country on Thursday won’t be on the stage where Biden and Trump exchange opinions: it’ll be in our homes. That’s where we can each lead our country toward change. Let’s share stories of what we’ve noticed in ourselves and how we’ve tried to use more dignity. Because as it turns out, the most effective way to change the culture is to change ourselves.
You won’t be alone. Check out these young people (here and here). They're working to raise dignity in their lives and among their friends. Contempt may have become the normal and even celebrated way of treating others, but it’s not inevitable. When dehumanizing others is cheered, we’re all in danger. That behavior is the biggest threat we face as a country, and only we can change it.
So why not take the challenge—not of changing “those people” but of changing yourself. Tune into the debate. Watch the candidates to evaluate their values and positions and abilities.
But watch something else too: yourself. Hold up a mirror and tune into to you, too. You may be surprised at what you see, but equally, you may be surprised at how easy it is to make a difference in our country simply by changing you.
In peace,
Tim
For more on this week's presidential debate, here's a great piece in the New York Times by veteran Republican pollster Frank Luntz, who notes, "Yes, policy solutions definitely matter in presidential debates. But personality, relatability, and dignity matter more." Yes!!!